For the integrity of the piece, please read "The Speech" parts one, two, three and four found in the past four posts. And now... the finale!
****
After
what felt like the longest car ride ever, Mac and Lucy pulled into
the parking lot of the community center. Mac parked the car and left
her hands on the wheel. After taking a breath to steady herself, she
unbuckled her seatbelt and helped Lucy out of her car seat. The
community center had been transformed from a boring, beige activity
room to a dignified ballroom. It seemed as if anything that had
stood still long enough had been draped in either red or blue fabric,
white flowers gracing each of the round tables. It reminded Mac of
her wedding reception, held in a hall not unlike the one she
currently stood in, white daisies contrasting with deep orange table
clothes. Orange had always been Matty’s favorite color; it was the
perfect shade for their fall wedding.
A buffet was set up near the
back of the room, heavenly smells wafting toward the door where Mac
and Lucy stood taking in the room. A simple wooden podium stood on a
stage at the front of the room, looming over Mac as she walked Lucy
to a table marked with a little maroon “Reserved” sign that
clashed terribly with the red table cloth.
After
a nice meal, of which Mac took a grand total of two bites, the
ceremony started. A man that Mac recognized as police chief took the
stage. He stood behind the podium making a speech using phrases like,
‘bravery in the face of danger,’ and, ‘men with hearts of
gold.’ Lucy tugged on Mac’s sleeve when the police chief started
talking about Matty. Mac hadn’t been paying attention; she was too
focused on keeping her breakfast down and whether or not sweat was
beading on her forehead.
“Mommy,
he’s talking about Daddy,” Lucy whispered, loud enough for the
whole table to hear.
“...and
now, I’d like to invite someone who knew Matt Elson better than any
of us up to the stage. Please help me welcome Matt’s wife, Louise,
up here to take my place.”
The
applause started as Louise made her way to the podium. This was it.
She had been preparing for this moment for so long, it didn’t feel
like it could be real. Emotions caught in her throat, clawing their
way to the top. But as she stepped onto the stage she pushed them
down, hiding them back in her heart where they belonged.
“Thank
you,” she said as the applause died down. “Thank you so much. As
Bernie said, my name is Louise Elson. This,” she said, motioning
towards the poster size picture of Matt in his uniform to the left of
the stage, “was my husband Matt. But the Matt I like to remember
looked a little different.” Mac placed the frame she had carried up
to the stage with her on the edge of the podium, facing the crowd.
She took a breath and turned it so only she could see his face. It
was better that way.
“Matt…
Matty, was a wonderful man, as many of you know. He was a beloved
son, brother and uncle, a devoted family man. But most of all he was
a fantastic father and husband. He cared for and loved our daughter,
Lucy, so much it was almost unimaginable,” Mac took a breath to
steady herself and looked over at her daughter, who was fiddling with
her spoon. “She only knew him for four short years… which seems
so unfair; but in those four years she knew more love than most
little girls know in a lifetime,” She steadied herself, pushing the
emotions back down before continuing.
“Matty
isn’t the kind of man that can be summed up in a few minutes, so
I’m sorry Bernie if I take too long, cue the music if you have to,”
Mac paused to allow for laughter, continuing after a few chuckles.
“Unless you knew Matty personally, you will never understand just
who he was, unfortunately, and what he meant to so many people. He
loved his squad just as much as he loved his family, which is good
because he spent just as much time with them as he did with us. He
called the firefighters in his unit his brothers, the brothers he
never had. And that’s really saying something… he had a lot of
brothers.
“He
could make a person laugh when all they wanted to do was cry. He knew
how to get our daughter back to sleep after she had a nightmare,
soothing her in ways only a father could,” Taking a breath, Mac
tried to push down the tears. “If there’s one person who misses
Matty just as much as I do… it’s Lucy. She lost her father,
something that I can only imagine. It breaks my heart just thinking
about it,” Mac looked down at the picture of her husband, mustering
up the strength to continue. “But I know that with the help of the
people in this room, she will know the man that her father was. And
for that, I thank you in advance.
“When
you lose someone you love you go through many emotions. Some mornings
I woke up so angry, so red-hot, that I was surprised the bed hadn’t
burst into flames around me. Some days all I wanted to do was punch
something, anything, and the one time I indulged that desire it cost
me two broken knuckles and a hole in my bathroom wall,” Realizing
that she had been talking fast, Mac took another breath to calm
herself. “Other days all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and
sleep until the sun went back down. And still other days I didn’t
feel anything at all. Most of you would label those days of apathy,
but to me they were… bliss.
“These
are not things I am proud of. I am not proud to say that all I prayed
for the first month after Matty died was for Matty to come back…
come back to me, and to Lucy. I wanted to hug him, and hear his
voice… I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay,”
Mac closed her eyes, a picture of Matty swinging Lucy around the
living room flashed in front of her.
“Everyone
was saying that he died a hero… and I loathed the fact that he was
the one who had to die. Matty wouldn’t like what I turned into when
he left; I know that because I don’t like what I turned into when
he left. And slowly I’m turning my life around, becoming the person
that Matty fell in love with so I can be that person for Lucy. Matty
was always my—our rock. In the years that we were married, I
learned to lean on him… and now I have to be that rock for Lucy,”
this time when Mac looked over at her daughter, she was smiling back
at her.
“It’s
difficult, and I have a feeling it’s going to be difficult for a
long time to come… but we’re getting by. Thank you all for the
support, love and casseroles that you have blessed us with the past
few months. I don’t know where we would be without you.
“I’d
like to make a toast to Matty now. Matty,” she said, looking at the
picture, “I love you… I will always love you. And I will always
be proud of the service you did this city. Watch out for us, baby.
And don’t worry,” she said, a smile creeping across her face, “I
can handle things down here.”
By
the time Mac had finished the speech she wasn’t even looking at her
note cards anymore. They remained on the first page, bullet points
about who Matty was glaring up at her through tear-streaked eyes.
She thought she had shed all the tears she could possibly hold, and
yet a stream of salt water ran down her face without ceasing. She
looked up at the picture of Matty, staring up at her from the frame
on the corner of the podium. She smiled half-heartedly at the crowd,
standing stoically in applause. She grabbed the photo and started
toward the edge of the stage, wiping furiously at the tears streaming
down her cheek. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Lucy
walking towards her. She slipped her tiny hand into Mac’s and
squeezed a little, looking up at her mom with tears in her own small
eyes.
“Don’t
worry, Mommy,” she said with a smile on her face, “it’s alright
to cry.”
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