And The Past is History

There's a chill in the air
after the clouds have
rolled on, and the
hazy blue, aftermath sky
remains.

I remain too, clutching
with tight fists to my shifted
reality, growing up in a world
that I refuse to let pass me by.

And with the realization that
tomorrow will come, and
what will be, will be...
has already been determined,
I find a weight lifted from my
already sagging shoulders.

For why should I worry about
tomorrow when it is already
set out before me, by the
Maker and Creator of
all?

Asleep

Eyelids droop and the
pillowcase is soft beneath
weary, dream-filled minds.

Moon Beams

The moon and I
share a secret.

I would tell you,
but there isn't a cloud
in the sky.

Nor have the stars
come out to light up
the night.

And the moon has
a sly smile of His face,
so our secret it shall
remain.

Soften the Blow

Rose colored pen scribbles
a note on paper

...for you.

And it crosses each 't' and
dots each 'i' in hope that
the words will find you well.

But I know better.

So once the words are written,
permanence on lined paper,
I walk away from the
rose colored pen

...and dismantle the paper,
line by line, to float away
on the wind.

May Twenty-Seventh

Wind greets aging trees
While the sun hangs high in the
sky, and I enjoy.

Just a Thought

I remind myself everyday
that life isn't what we dream it,
it's what we make it.

But why can't I make it what I dream?

So I close my eyes
and let my imagination
run wild.

And when I open them,
I realize that all my dreams
can come true...

As long as I have the courage
to pursue them.

Open Mind

The sun shines on a 

new day, and I rummage through

my mind for new thoughts. 

Coldplay Moment, II

I sit alone,
trying to forget you

But no matter how I try,
I long for you
to tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions

But you won't,
and I can't wait forever.

I shouldn't be waiting at all.

But I rush to the start,
running in circles,
replaying moments
in my head, wondering
how they could have gone
differently...
or what they mean as is.

Nobody said
it was going to be easy.

Sending up prayers tonight for a dear friend. Extra prayers for God's protection and for strength in a time of uncertainty would be appreciated.

Two Year Olds

Bright sun in the sky
Little faces crusted with dirt
Laughter and smiles
Tears and feel better hugs
The playground where toddlers
run free

Passing Moment

The sun always rises
after a long, dark night

And there is that brief moment,
fleeting, really;

in which the sun shines brightly
in the east, but the faint memory

of the moon hangs in the bright
morning sky.

That is where I'll be waiting,
fingers crossed...

Holding on to hope.

The Woman

Her heart aches tonight
as she misses so many friends.

And she would try to name
every single person, every heart
that she hasn't been able to share,
but the list would be too long...
and she has to work early
in the morning.

But with each passing second,
she finds herself trying even harder;
to cope, to block it out,
to hold back tears that
weren't meant to be held in.

But that's not who she is.
She is an intellectual,
a creative soul,
a writer.

Her biggest character flaw,
as with all of us,
is that she feels too deeply.

Allowing emotions to burrow in to
her heart
soul
mind.

But she's stronger now,
and this won't be her
downfall again.

Gratitude, VI

Tonight I am thankful:

For hiking trails and
sunny days

For friendship and
conversation

For new adventures
and two-year-olds

For rain and storms
and trees

And for the ability to feel.

Even Then

Even when I cry,
tears streaking my face

Or when I feel lost,
unable to find my way home

If I laugh and delight
If I am immeasurably happy
If I smile without any reason
except reason itself

Even then,
The Lord is with me.

"The Lord watches over me,
the Lord is my shade at my right hand;
the sun will not harm me by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep me from all harm-
he will watch over my life;
the Lord will watch over my coming
and going, both now and
forevermore."

Sometimes I just need
a little reminder.


*quote taken from Psalm 121:5-8*

Beauty to the Beholder

Ink on a page,
words written to
be read,
but more than that.

They were written to be
Absorbed,
Stored in the heart
... or at least the mind.

Isn't that how any
great story
should effect us...

No matter if it's been
written down or not?

Loosely Alice

In a second
this moment
will vanish

Becoming history
as it falls like Alice
down the rabbit hole

And I will remember
so little

While wishing I could
remember more

I tell myself now
that I will have

No regrets

Just as Alice awoke
in her present,
ready to change her
own little corner of
the world

Here I stand

Lonesome Mauve

I don't feel like writing
today. Because my

thoughts are all jumbled
and I have mascara in my
eye. And I watched a

deceptive sunset in the
driver's side window, with
duty mauve clouds that floated
lazily away. They used to be

my friends, the clouds, along
with the butterflies that slam
into my windshield,

but the butterflies are gone, and
the clouds floated on without
me.

She Could Fly

The world zoomed by
and She didn't even notice.

She spent her life hiding;
pretending.

Unaware of the beauty in
every thing around Her,

the world became dark and
small.

Too aware of her own reflection,
of marks that weren't there

but clouded Her perception,
and She hid beneath layers

and layers of fiction; a facade
that grew comfortable

but separated Her from
reality. How I hope, one day,

She'll break free.

May Thirteenth

A bright ball of fire
hangs low, transforming
bright blue to explosive pink
while casting shadows
on clouds that drift away
into the distance.

Sleepless Night

The dogs are barking,
keeping me awake
with the repetition of
a neighborhood at night.

And I fall in and out of sleep,
holding onto dreams
in the reality of a dark room.

So I keep my eyes shut tight,
willing the dreams to stay
even longer.

Trilogy: The End of Book Two

I soak in words scrawled
at one time in notebooks
or punched furiously on typewriters
or typed neatly on computers
somewhere in the past

by an author who seemed to know
exactly what word needed to go where
to continue the story
an keep me glued to the page

Until the pages run out...
And I'm grasping at straws,
trying to get my hands on
the next book
the next story
the next plot

But to no avail.

So I bite my fingernails
(metaphorically)
and wait; reading stories
that suddenly mean nothing
because my mind is still
wrapped up in a different world.

Wild Daisy

A field of wild daisies
under a perfect blue sky,
interrupted only by contrails
that remind me of the
adventures yet to come.

But I'm still here,
and maybe that's okay...
Maybe someday I'll just know

and it will be time to move on;
to chase contrails into
the wild blue yonder...

With memories of my
right now floating on the wind
somewhere in my soul
like a butterfly in May.

Coldplay Moment, I

She listened to Coldplay
as she drove down a deserted
highway on a hot summer night.

And she found that the tears
streamed down her face, because
she was stuck in reverse.

Swiping furiously at the salty tracks,
she shook away thoughts of yesterday
and let the lights guide her home...

or wherever they wanted to take her.

Prayer in the Night

I drive quickly
under a clear sky

Watching as the
teal green and
orange gradient of
a sunset in the west
slowly devoured by
the navy blue of
another night

And my mind is
running, almost as fast
as I am from feelings
that I wish would
disappear

But I forgot,
I'm done with wishing

So instead I speak into
the dark, words that become
prayers, lifted fiercely to
my God

I plead with Him,
"Please Father,
take it away;
free this heart
so I can breathe
again."

How I wish I could follow
the stars down this lonely
country road to nowhere.

Blink

I close my eyes,

blink,

and suddenly 

everything is 

different.

Life moves

so quickly,

quicker than 

I'd like it to.

And I hold on 

with a fierce grip,

trying with all my 

might to keep

this moment.

Just one moment.

But it is slipping

like sand

through my fingers.

Gratitude, V

Here's Sunday:

Gratitude, V
Today I am so thankful:

For wonderful friends,
even when hard goodbyes
threaten

For family and laughter,
and a nine-year-old
and three-year-old
who found special places
in my heart

For change,
even when I resist it

And for avocados.

Memories

Sorry for the delay. Here's Saturday's post, a poem from my chapbook Exposed:

Memories

I closed my eyes,

darkness.

The world comes to a halt

as my dreams come alive;

my subconscious taking over.

Images flash before me,

scenes unfolding slowly,

of you and me

and me and them

and them and you.

A give and take of trust and relationship,

pulling and tugging like a child’s picnic game.

It’s all about a connection,

the happily ever after

in a messed up world.

Isn’t that what I’m supposed to dream about?

Darkness returns,

followed by a whirlwind

of pictures,

soundbites of voices;

some cause tears,

others happiness.

Vindictive memories dance before my eyelids,

attempting to create anxiety when I wake.

The sun glows behind closed shades,

awake,

eyes still closed.

Just breathe.

Field of Flowers

One thousand yellow daisies,
not one thousand and one,
not nine hundred and ninety nine;
one thousand.

I watch, elated,
as realization dawns on a
fictional character's face,
amidst a field of yellow daisies
growing indoors.

And I realize, just as she does,
that maybe that is what I want,
what I'm waiting for:

my field of one thousand daisies,
not one thousand and one,
not nine hundred and ninety nine.

Although, if you've got one thousand
flowers to work with,
do they all have to be the same?

Let Go and Let God

I've stepped back in time, to a box of memories that date back for years. And I have moved on, forward, past tribulations and pain, happy times and sad. But this box remains the same, holding onto memories like flesh holds onto scars, the past and all of the details that came with it etched onto skin forever... hidden in this box forever. And I remember. I have moved forward, accepted so many things, including myself. I have tried to forget, to leave the past behind. It's then that I realize the importance of remembering, but learning to let go. Because who I was and what I went through made me the person I am. And who I am can accomplish anything, I just had to learn to let go.

Quite the Pair

Two yellow butterflies
float on the breeze,
always two.

I see them often,
seemingly the same two
as before, and yet obviously
different.

But there are always two,
butter yellow, fluttering and
flitting about, for barely a second
as I pass in a hurry,
as always.

I'm beginning to wonder if
yellow butterflies ever travel
alone.

Gratitude, IV

Tonight, as rain beats the
roof with sheer force, I am thankful
for:

Beautiful words from my peers,
bravely shared from a carpet square
at a coffee shop

Car rides and laughter with friends,
even if it reminds me that time
must move on, an so will these friends

The promise of summer that
waits patiently on the horizon

Quick conversations with good friends,
where I don't even gave to say much
to be understood

And the struggles, which remind me
that God has a purpose for my life,
and all that I've been through,
all the places I have yet to go,
serve a higher plan.