Some Nights

Some nights you’ll dream about the past. You’ll find yourself lost in a memory that never happened, questioning whether or not you want it to be happening.  You won’t register that you’re asleep, and yet at the same time you’ll subconsciously know. 

Some nights you’ll dream about lost kisses and past loves.  You won’t know where to find yourself, because you’ll be drowning in a dream that could easily have been reality.  You’ll question the validity of your memories, and the sting that they seem to have on certain Tuesdays in April.

Some mornings you’ll wake up confused, trying to remember whether or not you actually just went through the dream that left your sheets tangled, hanging to the floor, and sweat dripping down your forehead.  You’ll lie there, silent, trying to figure out what day it is, breathing in and out as you try to  calm yourself.

Some nights you won't dream at all. The night will stay black, until the sun warms your eyelids to a beautiful, red-orange.  And you'll find it was exactly what you needed.

I Am

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.” 
-Sylvia Plath, a troubled yet beautiful soul.
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I am. It's as simple as that. 

Sometimes it is nice to remember that.

I am a creative soul. When I had lost myself, a dark corner of my life, I was reminded of who I was through poetry. The words seeped into my skin and out of my mouth, scrawled with my pen on paper that had been longing for my words; my words. And just like that, I had found my voice. Such a small part in the big picture, yet huge to me.  If I could find my voice, surely I could locate the rest of myself. 

So I used that voice, over and over again.  I wrote words that felt as natural as the air moving in and out of my lungs.  I painted stories in prose that changed my whole view on life. I breathed in empty space and exhaled magic.  I started to feel like myself, a feeling I'm not sure I ever actually felt.

And, six months in to this year long blogging journey, I thought I would let you all know that it's a pretty great feeling. I'm not saying that the journey to finding myself was easy, nor is it anywhere near complete, but it's my journey and I'm happy to be taking it.

Possible

When I close my eyes
and shut out the voice
that nags me from within;

and I think clearly
opening my mind...

it is in that moment
that I know:

I can do whatever
I set my mind to.

Head Cold

Clouds have been fogging my
mind lately

making the world around a little
gray.

And I guess you could say I haven't
exactly been trying

but I'm clawing my way back to
clear skies

as quickly as I can.

Upward Motion

Labored breaths

and a 

daunting hill

an ache in my side

and in my chest

but the nagging

voice telling me

to quit

is enough to 

make me 

keep going.

So I push on

however slowly

push forward

upward

pause

keep going

you can do this,

a new voice chimes in

You Can Do This

and I believe

that I can.

Hopeful Glances

Off of the interstate, 

between here and there,

was a white house on a hill.

And it sat perched, 

looking over a field of just surfacing corn stalks,

a brilliant green against a bright blue sky, 

dotted with a single, white cloud.

I only got a quick look

as I drove on my merry way,

but it reminded me of summertime. 

And as I drove, 

the sunshine warmed my skin,

and my heart.

Life is fun.

Some nights I stay up 
cashing in my bad luck,
some nights I call it a draw.

Tonight was one of those nights,
one of the nights where we
remembered that

We are young,
that we can set the world on fire;
we can burn brighter than 
the sun.

Some nights I wish that my 
lips could build a castle,
some nights I wish they'd just fall off.

And with wind blowing in the windows,
we remind each other that
It gets better, 
I know it hurts at first,
but it gets better.


It really does.

We realize now that a friend is worth
so much more than we realized
when we were so much younger,

so we use the time we have,
soaking up every minute
while we're young,

clinging on to our right now,
wishing and praying
that it would never change,

even as it inevitably does.





*Inspiration and italicized portions drawn from fun. Some Nights, We Are Young and It Gets Better*